Ashamed
by MissLuigiDavison
Summary: Matt has always known of his own feelings for his fellow band mate but the only thing he is certain of when it comes down to it, is that the feelings are getting stronger. Will Dom feel the same way? Will they ever be able to love each other with the pressure from the band? Sorry for that summary... That was terrible...


**So this is my first ever fanfiction. About Belldom obviously. I'm a huge Muse fan so this was a no brainer really :) I'm sorry for any mistakes with punctuation etc... Speech marks and things as such disappeared when I uploaded it so try to make sense of the bits I've missed out when I re entered them :) Comments would be appreciated so I know what not to do for the next chapter, if you want a second chapter that is ;) If this is comment worthy please don't be too harsh because I know I'm not that good at this. Bare with me :)**

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Ashamed.

Chapter One, Matts point of view.

Sometimes I find myself thinking. Aliens, the government, music. But he dominates most of my thoughts. Everyday my mind is swamped with thoughts about him. My best friend. Even now I think about you, Dominic Howard. What hurts is that you will never think of me in the same way Because when I say thoughts, I mean, **thoughts**. The way his eyes pierce my soul. The way his skin would feel against mine.

_What the fuck Matt! Shut up!_

"Just stop it." I mumble to myself.

"What?" Kate questioned. See, she d be living with me for a while now. We re just friends but she took the liberty to claim my house as her own. In response I get up, walk out, ring the backup. It's party time.

Realising I can't just invite the guys round without asking Kate, seen as how it is her house too now, I back track and make my way back to the room we were sitting. Sheepishly, looking awkwardly at the ground I ask, "Is it okay if Dom and Chris come over?" And to my surprise I get a nod and a grin. There's something unnerving about her smile. She looks like a psychopath Like she's planning something

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about seeing Chris but it's Dom I really wanted to see. It's been ages since I last saw him! Well, two days.

I phoned the two of them. Both conversations identical. 5 o clock it is then!

"So I'm going out?"

"Why of course." I say with a wink. Kate can keep herself occupied. I am getting so drunk tonight.

As she gets ready to head out, I walk, half jog, upstairs to change. I want to look my best for the guests don't I? I pulled out my tight white jeans and a blue t-shirt and slipped them on as quickly as possible. I heard what I thought to be Doms car pull up outside.

_Better hurry Matt. Don t want to keep him waiting do you?_

There's a delicate knock on the door. That's Dom alright! Going to let him in, I realise that he's already walked into the kitchen and is fishing out the alcohol left over from last time.

"Yes Dom, nice to see you too. Please, do come in." I say to myself, re-shutting the door.

"Sorry mate, it's pretty cold out there!" He s helped himself to snacks too, now.

"So, where's Chris?" I wondered out loud as Dom himself was already twenty minutes late.

"Oh didn't he tell you? Can't come. He had to cancel last minute. A Kelly thing." Great. So it's just me and Dom. Drinking. Alone. No biggie. As soon as I realised that I'd have him to myself my heart went mental and my mind started racing with the possible outcomes of the night.

He'd flung himself on the sofa in the next room so I follow. Sitting there with him in silence gave me a chance to take in his features, his clothes. Everything. My eyes drift from my quickly emptying glass of wine to first of all, his hair. His beautiful golden locks brushed against his forehead. He looked a hell of a lot more casual than usual. Whether that was the sudden rain he got soaked in or a change in style. Whatever it was, he looked great and even more gorgeous than usual.

Leaving his amazing eyes till last, I skip to his torso. Glancing down I get a glimpse of his slightly shown chest and have to resist the urge to jump on him that second.

_Now now, you'll have to wait for that, Bellamy._

Shifting my gaze slightly I notice his shirt, rather than his body. Nothing too fancy. An obviously new, black shirt. Simple yet stylish. All I know is that it made him look irresistible.

Lowering my eyes ever further, I come to his legs. Skin tight green jeans on. Showing everything. I can't even bring myself to look anymore just as he sees me staring.

"Matt? Are you quite finished? You've been eyeing my up for about ten minutes now!" He's laughing it off like it's nothing but there's something about his eyes. Something that doesn't agree with the joke.

"Dom... Dom I..." I was cut off by one of the most horrible things I've heard all night.

"Hello boys!" What the actual fuck? Kate came walking down the stairs in a dress that might as well be a shirt. I saw Dom look at me awkwardly. Oh shit. She can't be here! I was going to tell him everything! Bitch. She slid herself between me and Dom. She's sitting next to Dom, **my** Dom. She crosses her legs showing even more of her exposed lower body. _What is she playing at...?_

"Just thought I'd say hello" She purrs. _What IS she doing?_

"You're supposed to be out. That was the arrangement!" Trying to keep calm I grasp my wine glass and sit far back in my seat. I can feel my finger nails of my free hand digging in to the arm of the sofa as I watched the two of them. Felling unsettled, pushed into the corner (after all, it's only a two seater), I decide to move to another spare seat. Hell, it was more comfortable. Not as comfortable as sitting with him but it ll have to do.

"So Dom, how've you been?" She whispers loudly in his ear, playing with his hair. If she wasn't a woman and my friend I would probably punch her. All he does in reply to her question is look at her and nods.

_20 minutes Longest 20 minutes of my life I might as well have left ages ago!_ I thought to myself. The two of them were talking and laughing away without even thinking about me. Hello? Frontman cowering in the corner of the room, by himself, here!

The way she was looking at him made me sick. He looked like he was enjoying it 99% of the time too. Why only 99% you ask? Well, occasionally he looks over at me, sitting by myself. Now I've actually finished the whole bottle of wine. When he looks over it's as if he wants me to help him. Get that leech off him. But then he would look back at **her**.

The longer I sit here the more I want to smack my head off the wall. Then, I see something that really takes the piss. She's touching him! Yeah, I've seen Dom with girls he's picked up after gigs plenty of times but this is really pissing me off. Laughing at his pathetic jokes, she has her hands all over his chest. Even just talking to him, right now, she has her hand on his thigh. I mean right up there! He didn't even flinch but he could tell I was getting angry.

"I can't take this anymore! I'll be back in about half an hour!" Wine isn't good enough or strong enough. I'm not leaving my own house because of them so I'll have to get completely drunk instead. Bring on the vodka! (And preferably any other alcohol I can find)

I storm into the kitchen, slamming every door and cupboard before finding a hell of a lot more alcohol. Must be a stash I'd forgotten about. Pouring everything I can find into a range of glasses I start drinking. After literally a few minutes I can't tell drinks apart and very quickly feel the effects of the alcohol kicking in.

As I stagger into the room where the two love birds were, I pretty much collapse onto the floor. Not remembering anything that happens, I sit on the floor, legs folded, next to the perfectly good chair that I can't be bothered to move up to. I sit here for what feels like a life time, staring at that bitches hands all over Dom. If I could, I'd burn her hands off with my mind, and in my drunken state, I give it a try. With no luck, or flames sprouting from her hands, I give up and take another big gulp of whatever drink I had closest to me.

After a short while I almost pass out so I quickly slap myself to stay awake and see Dom throw his unrecognisable drink onto the floor in anger. Kate jumped back and looked upset which put a smile on my drunken face. Painfully pulling myself up, I follow Dom upstairs, trying not to fall over. I just had to see if he was okay. Not that I can help but I can still be there for him I guess.

I follow him to the bathroom and see him sobbing silently with his hands on the edges of the sink. I knock to make sure he knows I'm here and almost fall through the door way while doing so. I half crawl over to him and hug him tightly to try and make him feel better.

"You... You okay?" I attempt to ask, and he just shakes his head.

"What... What's The matter...?" If I can't even string a sentence together I doubt I'm going to cheer him up right now. He's calmed down a bit and slowly turns to face me. He looks me straight in the eyes and strokes my cheek with one of his beautiful fingers.

"You'll never know how I feel. You'll never understand." He whispers as he tries to smile, which only brings out a few more tears. I wish I could just tell him how I feel about him. But no, I'm too pissed to even realise that I'm kissing him. How the fuck did that happen? He broke the kiss off a few seconds later.

"Matt, what was that about?"

"I... Love you" He actually seems shocked. I thought I'd made it pretty obvious over the years if I'm honest. After a few moments his lips were on mine.

He slid his hand around my waist and the other through my hair, so I do the same. Well I think I do the same. I can't really tell. The longer the kiss goes on, the more passionate it becomes. Dom slips his tongue past my slightly open lips and as he does so, moves his hands and grabs my arse. Was this actually happening? _Tell me I'm not dreaming..._

As our tongues battle together in the best kiss I've ever had, the worst thing that could possibly happen, happens. The door swings open (Did I close it...?) Kate stands there. Mouth open.

"Oh my God!"


End file.
